We’re the adults now!
Do you sometimes just take a step back and think to yourself ‘what in the actual f*ck is going on cause I was not prepared for this!’
Who would have thought this day would come! Where responsibilities, accountability, maturity & overall ‘adulthood’ would be part of our everyday existence? I honestly feel like such a fraud! 😩 Like, the adults I knew growing up were so put together! With their good jobs, nice homes, 2.5 kids, good schools, holidays…things appeared like they had it all figured out. But what I know now is that was only on the surface of course. They were frauds too! Ha!
It seemed simpler back then, or should I say it appeared simpler. Maybe because it was. We were kids & being kids ergo, didn’t have to think about much other than not wanting to take naps, playing outside and going to school so you can see your friends. Bliss.
You see, no one spoke about the bad shit. The mental health issues, the money issues, the infidelity, the basic struggles everyone goes through in life. And I can almost understand why. But then I don’t. Like, I understand that you’re not going to fill your children in on every little struggle you’re going through because at the end of the day, you want them to have a childhood worrying about childhood things. But then what happens when that child becomes a teen & later on an adult and can understand things a little better? When explaining how the world works and the problems people face? Preparing them for the world in a way that doesn’t leave them crippled with fear but instead empowered & confident to go at it on their own?
As parents, we want to protect our children. Protect them from things they may not yet understand or things that may harm them. But how do we prepare them? On one hand you don’t want to divulge too much information to your child at such a young age because as I mentioned before, you want your child to be a child for as long as they are children. Divulging too much can lead to a child who needs to mature way too fast for all the wrong reasons. Hello childhood trauma!
I think for me, the concept of adulthood hit me really hard when I became a parent cause what’s all this? So now I have to take care of my myself mentally, physically, financially while also raising a little human being who relies on me to actually be of sound mind and body while feeding & taking care of their emotional, physical & mental needs for life? Yoooooo!!!! I was not prepared. Can I speak to the manager! What number do I call? But that’s a whole other topic for another day cause motherhood is wild and I have ALOT to say about my journey thus far. Watch this space!
But let’s ‘circle back’ to the part where our parents looked like they had it all together. I don’t know about you but mine sure did. And kudos to them for making it look easy cause me, as an adult now? Issa struggle no lie. 100% would not recommend! I think my thing is, you can only pretend that your life is rosy, especially in front of your kids for so long until something gives. Children know when shit is off. They feel our emotions and see our daily interactions. Our moods and the way we go about things. So how do you keep it all together? I’m asking cause I don’t have the answers Sway! Can I get a redo?
The parents circa the 1980’s
I was talking to a friend the other day who recently turned 40 and he was like ‘I’m turning 40. This is big!’ And I asked him ‘Why?’ And he said ‘It’s because I’m an adult now! I’m supposed to know what I’m doing & be all mature and shit!’ And we both laughed cause we were like ‘Riiiiigggghhhht!’ No one knows what they’re doing. And the ones who act like they do, are faking it. Except Oprah. Oprah has her shit together.
There’s this general idea that if your life doesn’t look a certain way by a certain age then you’ve failed. We now know this type of thinking is archaic and harmful because no two lives, journeys or sense of accomplishments look alike. Yet, it is difficult to step away from feeling this way if your life doesn’t look or feel put together.
What I do think takes a lot of the pressure off this whole ‘adulthood’ thing (me putting it in inverted commas like it isn’t real! ha!) is realising you actually don’t have the answers and being okay with that. Because at the end of the day, we really are just doing what needs to be done. Duties, routines, obligations, life shit. And relinquishing control because tomorrow really isn’t given. And a lot of us (me included) tend to forget that.
So if you can find the time to sprinkle some razzle dazzle in the form of self care & henjoyment, so life doesn’t become one hot pile of stinking doodoo, then I say you’re winning. Oh and if you can afford it, talk to someone, cause it helps to get out of your head sometimes and seek ways to better understand yourself.
Finding joy in the small things is something I’ve recently and actively tried to incorporate into my everyday. It doesn’t always happen but it’s a start. Here are a few ways I’m finding joy in the small things:
Daily walks
Buying myself flowers
Journaling
Talking to family or friends on the phone
Making my bed
Taking hot showers
Listening to music that makes me happy
Watching shows that make me happy
Buying & taking care of plants
As you can see, this list isn’t groundbreaking. It is literally finding joy in the smallest of things and creating that for yourself as often as you need. As I said, I don’t have the answers but I’m learning and I’m trying.
And lastly, surrounding yourself with a good support system (I’m big on a support system cause woo child going through life without one is the pits! I would know!) People you can be 100% yourself around. People who genuinely want to see you do good. None of that other shit. Please abeg.
I’m rooting for you homie. We’re all on this ride together. x
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